some days
i just can’t make sense of it
the working day gone
so quickly
so pointlessly
so disappointingly wrong.
when i limp home
beaten and despondent
the neat little student
sitting across from me on the tram
lifts her phone
starts to make a call
and suddenly vomits on the floor
there isn’t much I can do
but I offer her
a small packet of tissues
to wipe her hand
before stepping off the tram
and into the dark rain.

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Dream (last Saturday morning): I hop into a car with…somebody (not sure who). He’s driving. We seem to be leaving from my parents’ house, and he’s driving rather quickly, not stopping as we cross the intersections. When we reach Springvale Rd, he turns right without stopping. We go too wide, and miss the road. We miss the service lane, too. “So this is it,” I think, “we’re crashing”, and let my body relax as we head straight for a house. Inexplicably, we come through the other side and stop. I get out, appear to be ok (somehow) and figure I should call someone. I try calling 000, and explain there’s been a car crash, but they tell me I should call the police. “oh. Sorry to bother you. I’ll try them.” I struggle to dredge the number from my memory, and in the end I’m not sure if they answer or not. I leave the destroyed house behind and keep wandering through the suburban streets, dazed and confused.

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you can let go

if you want to
into the sea
the sky
the clouds
the cool wind on your face
and the feeling as if
anything can happen

but you can’t let go
right now
can you?

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last night i dreamt about technology.
it was rather disappointing when i awoke;
i wanted my dreams to be about
other things.

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some days
it’s all you can do
to hold back.

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she was surprised at the number of people
who come to watch the aircraft pass by
there were even
two ice cream trucks
one (at least) with a small Turkish flag
poking out of a corner.

some stayed for just a minute
one take-off was enough for them
but others stayed longer
i shot most of a roll of film
standing up near the road
holding the shutter release cable
trying to guess the right moment
as the plane passed over the street light
on its way into the beyond.

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dream: i was lying on the floor
waiting for the world
to stop turning
when i looked through
the golden shagpile carpet
my parents once had
and spied a green spiralled telephone cord
running along the sideboard
and at that very moment
i knew
i wasn’t where i thought i was.

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i left something behind
in another suburb
and had to retrieve it
in the harsh sunlight
of the next day.

it’s a street I once knew well
and spent much time either on
or travelling through it
unlike other nearby places
i’d be happy to return
every once in a while.

i wandered nearby side-streets
looking for something new
something unseen
i let memories reappear
triumphs and disappointments
and a very old photo
of nothing in particular
that i’d taken with a co-worker’s
digital camera
back when such things
were still somewhat novel.

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1. Two guys chroming up the back of the tram.
2. An old lady struggling with two bags of onions down Sydney Rd.
3. Three girls swapping beauty tips outside a cafe.
4. A book in a shop about sex and typography(?!).
5. A car called UN1CRN.
6. A girl with a Southern Cross ankle tattoo waiting to cross the street.

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i can’t remember the last time
i went to St Kilda
once upon a time
i went there almost every weekend
but when i moved across town
i changed my habits
and so my regular places
became new ones on this side
to match my new life
as it were

just for once
we hopped on a tram
all the way through town
there were fancier intersections
and lots of wooden stuff
down by the beach
some shops had changed
i suppose
but really
it all felt like
a closed door
that didn’t need to be opened.

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